Male friends…a blessing or a curse?
My two best friends are males. I have known them for however many, what feels like a million, years and I love them dearly and unconditionally.
They have been there through thick & thin, picked me up when I couldn’t pick myself up, made me eat when I didn’t want to, and kicked me in the butt & scolded me when required. The relationship we have is like no other friendship relationship I’ve had, to be honest with you. We respect what the other has to say and listen when they give advice; Jason calls me most nights on his way home from work for just your general chit chat & Jay comes around pretty much every other night if not for a smoke then to watch some TV show we have on the go. If we don’t like the person they may be seeing or thinking about well by gosh that’s pretty much it for them. Which brings me to the main point of this blog…the issues of having two male best friends.
Also, side note, I am not saying girls aren’t just as good friends as boys or don’t provide the same support as a male could (I do have some female friends guys), this post is just purely about the males in my life. Please.
The boys, well. They can be protective. OVER THE TOP PROTECTIVE. It doesn’t matter the excuses I gave in the past on why I liked that particular boy – if they saw something they didn’t like that was pretty much it for that guy. For example, the difficulties between Gage & I when we first started dating I used to speak to the boys about what to do and it wasn’t always positive words from them (this is the part where Gage breathes a little easier now). I mean it works both ways; if I don’t like a girl they are seeing…well… They can also be intimidating to outsiders (potential male suitors) what with one being a chef and knowing how to cook all the food I like and the other being my go-to handyman who fixed everything all the time for me.
I also go to them for advice on boys so they can sometimes get a bit ‘TMI’ if you know what I mean, but that’s what I like about these boys, they genuinely don’t give a fuck and will give you a goddamn brutally honest answer if that’s what’s needed. It’s pretty refreshing at times.
I think the bonus of having them in my life is that they have been there for a long time and know how to handle me in a way that isn’t like a girl would. If I had an issue with a boy (let’s say Gage) I feel that a girl would probably bitch about the way he has treated me or how he wasn’t doing this or that and blah blah let’s move on yesterday to the next boy…whereas J & J force me to put on my logical hat and think clearly about the situation, then offer me a drink and advice on how to handle it.
The girl way is good too when I want to vent and be told what I want to hear not what I need to hear. They have my best interest at heart though and I love them for it. I wouldn’t want to be Gage if he & I ever broke up though that’s for sure.
I feel that some people in a relationship may find having a girlfriend with male friends can cause some issues. I know when Gage & I first started dating, I made one of my girlfriends at the time try and explain my relationship with the boys to him and pretty much told him that it’s fucked up and they love each other but don’t get paranoid about it. I remember one night Gage made a comment about how he & I were being slightly too ‘couply’ for him (when we first started seeing each other and getting know each other) and my response was something along the lines of “this is how I am with the boys” so to me my actions didn’t seem so couply; but once Gage had pointed them out I could see where the issue would be and that was my first inkling that I may have to slightly change my ways when it came to the boys.
In my post ‘Body Clocks’ I mentioned how sometimes Gage & I have opposite schedules, which means we don’t always see each other. This can sometimes mean I see J & J more than I see Gage and when you think about it probably isn’t always the best thing for me to be doing. J & J and I have always said that once one of us is in a relationship the amount of time we spend together may be reduced, it just took me awhile to realise the need to do this. I didn’t think anything of it being a big deal because I’ve always spent time with them. But. Now I am conscious of spending time with Gage even if that means less time with J & J.
There have also been a few times where Gage (in the beginning) was almost intimidated about the relationship and didn’t always feel great about me spending time with them especially when Jay moved in with me for a few months. BUT! Gage & I are at that stage now where he isn’t as concerned with the boys considering now they are best friends and go out drinking all the time – which is a bonus mind you. I get to hang out with my friends AND my partner and we all get along and it’s great. Which in turn has a downside – I don’t get along with girls very well.
Because I spend 90% of my time with boys (a few girls being the exception and should know this by now) I just find it really hard to get on board with some of the conversations girls have and the fact that, NO ONE SHOOT ME, girls tend to carry more drama with them. I just had this conversation with Jason today in which we both agreed on the fact:
So this proving we have the same views on practically everything.
I have had people tell me that my relationship with the boys is messy and complicated and I think this is due to the fact that yes, I have slept/dated both of the boys. No we don’t find this weird, yes Gage knows, no we don’t talk about it, yes we are all friends. If you’re really that interested in how we are all friends I can’t really give you an answer because I don’t really have an answer even at all except it just works & that we probably all need therapy.