Toxic

Toxic relationships…something surely everyone has experienced growing up? Those friends who when you’re friends with them everything is fine and nothing you do together has any consequences; but when you aren’t friends with them you realise just how bad that friendship was.

I have had a few toxic friendships over my time but there is one in particular that sticks out which affected many people, not just myself.

I met her when I worked at a supermarket, and we instantly clicked and became besties. I believe the first thing we ever really discussed was that she was scared that she was pregnant (like every girl ever) and we spoke about it for a little bit but then it was never mentioned again which now I remember thinking that was a bit strange.

She introduced me to a number of people who mean the world to me now and I wouldn’t be friends with them if I had never met her, we went on nightly adventures smoking cigarettes and talking about boys and screaming to loud music whilst driving around aimlessly. All fun and no harm right? Until the lies started and I got swooped up in the endless amount of drama.

The constant pregnancy lies, I have honestly never met someone who has cried pregnancy that many bloody times and everyone used to tell me how often she used to do it before I had met her too.

The constant ‘let’s do this, come on it’s a good idea’ stuff. And yes I understand I am probably to blame here also because HELLO I didn’t say no to anything, but the whole ‘toxic’ thing makes you think EVERYTHING YOUR DOING IS OK when in reality it’s so not. At all. I remember a couple things that we did that I found hilarious at the time, one of which ended up with the police being called (whoopsie) but looking back at them now I honestly have no idea why I agreed to do that, ever ever ever. I won’t go into details because I don’t know who reads this and I don’t want to upset anyone, but there were multiple things that we shouldn’t have done yet because I was in this whirlwind friendship that was constantly moving and it was fun I wasn’t seeing the consequences of my actions, everything was happy and we were always laughing.

There was endless drama associated with her, and it began to spread not just into my life but into other people’s too. She was a great friend when she wanted to be, and emphasis on the want. She was only there when she wanted to be, being your friend wasn’t a full-time job to her. What was a full-time job for her was her boyfriend – which was a full-on toxic messy situation which myself & Emily were dragged into one night and I just, can’t even begin to explain how sad that whole thing was. She would lie constantly about where she was going and who she was seeing – when every time she was with him. We ended up following her one night and worked it out (yes I understand this was probably wrong but we were over the lies). She was so preoccupied with her boyfriend that she barely stayed for my 21st and ended up drink driving to his house to see him (and same again on her 21st).

She would try to turn friends against you by spreading lies. The amount of arguments Emily & I got into because of some words that she had twisted to suit her own agenda, or if Emily & I were spending too much time together (because she was always with her boyfriend) she would get really aggressive towards us and blame us for anything and everything and then disappear for about a week AND THEN COME BACK LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG.

Your friendship with her had to be the way she liked it or not at all. It took Emily and I a year to work out how toxic she was (after many arguments were had) and we decided to end the friendship together. Well, not even that, just remove ourselves from the everyday friendship. And be more acquaintances rather than besties.

The last thing we really had anything to do with her was a shit storm with money and friendships ruined and lost when it really didn’t have to end that way. We even had to bring in two outsiders just to protect ourselves (thanks Cara & Brayden) on that last night of contact.

I look back on it now, and yes we laughed and yes at times we were all the best of friends and I will treasure some of those memories and conversations because they meant something at the time and helped me through times when I was confused and lost, but honestly young me what the fuck were you thinking!!!

GG xx

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